How to lose 10 lbs in 5 days

Ten pounds in a couple of days?  Don’t be  dumb, you’re better than that. 

But waaaait (whiny voice).  You've got this Vegas weekend/ bridesmaid thingy/ raging pool party in T-minus-9 days and you totally forgot about losing 10 pounds.  So how the hell are you going to change your body in like, a week?

I'll tell you exactly what to do: GTF over it.

There isn't any magic solution, there aren't any shortcuts, and if those 48 hour Hollywood Juice diets actually worked everyone would do them. Like, all the time.

I’m not going to go into a whole laundry list about why crash dieting is dumber than, well, just about any dumb idea I can think of . But I’ll happily provide you with the abridged version:

One (1). Yo yo dieting is crazy bad for you, physically and mentally. Don't believe me? Read more here.

Two (2). You’re just not going to get your dream body in two weeks. The most weight you can lose healthily is 2 lbs a week. I mean great for you if you lose 2 or 4 pounds, but instead of crying into your pillow and hating yourself it might serve you well to focus your energy elsewhere.

Ok? Glad we're clear. Begin here with these little tippy poos:

Skip the salt

And other bloating foods for a flat stomach. Use lemon, fresh herbs, and pepper to season your food. A fantastic salt free marinade that one of my besties (who happens to be both a trainer and personal chef) turned me on to is Greek yogurt, lemon juice, cumin and paprika.

Start chugging.

I assume you’re aware that water is in fact quite good for you. Drink barrels of it- your skin will glow, your bloat will un-bloat, you’ll feel fuller and your stomach will get flatter. Shoot for 8 glasses a day. More if you can swing it. Not a water lover? (I'm not either) Here are some pointers.

Ingest good things.

Nothing (really), will make you feel better than eating foods full of antioxidants & nutrients. When you feel good, you’ll look at yourself differently, treat yourself differently, and a virtuous (<-That's a good thing smarty, look it up) cycle begins. You'll feel good about yourself and nothing in the world is sexier than confidence.

Find instant gratification elsewhere.

Get your roots touched up.  Throw some White Strips on your grill. Go get a good airbrush tan - a good spray tan will make you look more toned. Do all three for God's sake. You'll feel like a supermodel.

Everybody's doing it. Like this guy.

Buy outfits that flatter your body and stand up straight.

Did you know that simply making the change from slouching to perfect posture can make you appear 10 pounds lighter? Yes, true fact - your mother wasn't kidding. Dressing for your body type has the same effect. Invest in a couple of flattering outfits that suit the event or vacation you’ll be attending, throw your shoulders back, and put a smile on your pretty face. It's just as effective.

Get wet.

Get off your you know what and go sweat you face off.  Hit some spin classes, visit your old friend (the gym, duh), run outside, do yoga, climb a steep hill, whatever blows your skirt up. Sweating boosts your endorphins- I don’t know about you but I feel a hundred times better after I’ve worked out, regardless of the state my body is in. Spoiler alert: It burns calories too.

Look. I'm not saying that if you need to lose weight that you should keep stuffing your face with Big Macs. In fact, please don't do that.  But I do believe that a lifestyle change that includes adding nutrient dense foods, making gradual changes, and finding exercise that you enjoy rather than counting your carrot sticks is going to be more effective in the long run. And crash dieting isn't going to do you any sort good, on the real. It's damaging to both your body and spirit, and ain't nobody got time for that.

Have a fab time doing whatever it is you're prettying up for this weekend... and don't do anything I wouldn't do. ;)